Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
