Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
NoShamevember. You game?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
