I just saw a hot homeless man
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
