you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
