What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
