Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
