OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
