At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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