Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
