Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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