if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
