is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
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