White coat. Heels.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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