We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
