You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Are we still banned from the library?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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