Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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