I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
