3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
love makes seman taste better
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
