508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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