Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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