Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
