Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
