Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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