The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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