here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
