Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i think i just lost a toe
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