You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
