She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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