Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize