I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
