she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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