white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Panties = found
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
