Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
