Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
