I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
if only i could text you this smell
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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