The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
