two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize