a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
