so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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