Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
