Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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