Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
