Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
