my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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