My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
