he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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