why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
