i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
