what day is it and did you see me today?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
