Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
