do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
