so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize