it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
