So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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