i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
