apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
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