Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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