you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
