She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
