I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
