Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
