I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
