My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
