he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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