Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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