hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
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