Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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