being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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