Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
