I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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