My hand turned me down
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
