And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
