community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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