I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
