i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
