she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
