Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
