11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
do herpes really smell.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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