Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
