ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Randomize
