remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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