what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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