im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I touched a dick in church today
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
