one word: firstdatebathroomanal
its not stalking. its research.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
