Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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