May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
