Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I am one with the molecules
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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