When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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