I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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