the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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