She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
