Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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