Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
