I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This is classic penis vs brain.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
