never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
