mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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