i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
